It happened over a week ago. I decided not to write about it sooner because I wanted to think about what the f**k happened and what I could have done to prevent it if anything. I'm certainly not going to identify the online forum in question, except to say it's a Chinese topic based forum. However, I suppose for the diligent reader who is willing to do some investigation into the matter, he/she may be able to figure out the place I'm writing about from the occasional clue I will lay down in this post. I'll refer to the head of this online forum as
The Guy. I'll refer to the Forum as, you guessed it,
The Forum.
Anyway, as I've written, I'm trying to figure out how this happened. I behaved naughtily? Okay, I joined this forum around June 4th or so (maybe June 1st not sure). My z visa/residence permit was due to expire on the 30th of June and so I needed some help from China experts on how I could get a job and/or extend my stay in China somehow. In the end, I took a trip to Hong Kong and got an L visa there. A 3 month L visa. I have to thank this forum for their help. Indeed, I thanked them enough when I was still a member.
I just don't know what I did wrong!!! Okay, I complained to the Guy about a poster who I felt was baiting me. I'll refer to this poster henceforth as
The Poster. I cross-posted my series of complaint letters to the admin (I'll refer to him henceforth as
The Admin), who was, after all, in charge of editing or deleting offensive posts and what not.. I thought the Guy would be cool with that. I complained in these *private* messages that there was a poster who I felt was baiting me. Okay, I did just vivid language describing this particular poster as a Rottweiler and the Guy as having trained him well.. But, again, it was private so what's the big deal? (^)
I felt I was responsible. I didn't engage in any childish behaviour on the forum itself, the public virtual forum in front of other guys. I have a criticism, I had some beef so, naturally, I sent some *private* messages to the admin and to the founder of the forum in question, the guy. Yet, despite this, despite doing the right thing, the responsible thing, as far as I'm concerned, the guy finally sends me an e-mail to write, among other things, that I needed psychiatric treatment (as I recall - I deleted all his stuff almost immediately afterwards). In addition, when I tried to log onto his forum, last I checked and presumably continuing so, I am greeted with the following message,
"Sorry Paul Carr, you are banned from using this forum!I've tried to find the nicest way I can think of to put this; "Schizoid Paranoia" is the best I've come up with so far. "
So, apparently, "Schizoid Paranoia" is the nicest he's come up with. What's the worst case scenario then? Murderer? Sociopath? Psychopath? I dunno. Yeah, he was damn horrible also in his final e-mail, I recall, regurgitating what he wrote above. Also, he wrote that I would be wasting my time writing back because he wouldn't read it. (^^)
I can't even visit his forum as a guest, I think, because my IP address has been logged (put on the naughty list) so I get the same message as above except "Guest" is written in instead of "Paul Carr". I can get around this by cloaking the IP address. Once inside, I noticed that the number of my posts remain the same. 155 posts, last I checked. It was 155 posts the last time I logged off as a member. But, my membership status has changed from "Member" to "&&&&&&&". Okay, I'm sorry I'm not going to reveal the imaginative descriptive word he used here, except to say it has 7 letters. I looked up this word in dictionary.com and urbandictionary.com and I can't find it anywhere. I find a simliar verb though in urbandictionary.com which has the definition of "To copy something with blatant disregard or to plagiarize a video game" and then there is a similar word adjective which has the definition of "to be in a state of *****". Here, I think meaning in a state of indecision. Sorry, I don't want to give the word away.
I don't think I've been copying anyone.
I think I know why he is using the words "Schizoid Paranoia" to describe me. Presumably, the Paranoia part is a reference to the fact I complained *in bleedin' private* about a particular poster on the public forum. Isn't that one reason what bleedin' private messages are for?!! So, I'm paranoid because I complained about a particular poster who I felt was baiting me and trying to annoy me. So, I'm paranoid for writing about this in private to The Guy and also simultaneously to the Admin, who is, after all, in charge of editting the posts and deleting any unbecoming posts. What's bleedin' wrong with that?!! I was helping them to do their jobs. If, for example, the Admin determined that a post I brought to his attention was, indeed, provocative, was inciteful, was a troll, or calculated to cause a flame war, then he could remove it. As it happened, neither he nor the Guy agreed with me at all at all that The Poster was laying down a troll or was trying to start a flame war. Indeed, they asserted that, the total greenstick that I was, that I didn't understand what a troll or a flame war was.
As for the Schizoid part. I got this definition of schizoid from dictionary.com .
1. Psychology. of or pertaining to a personality disorder marked by dissociation, passivity, withdrawal, inability to form warm social relationships, and indifference to praise or criticism.
2. Informal. of or pertaining to schizophrenia or to multiple personality.
Okay, let's get this straight. Because, I complain *in private* and not on the bleedin' public forum, that means I'm schizoid? Because, I behave myself civilly on the public forum but in private I express some unhappiness and displeasure then that makes me schizoid, then that means I have a split personality of some sort? Dear, The Guy, what are you on?! Presumably, if I had confronted the Poster (^^^) on the forum, had I picked a fight with him on the public forum, I would also have been expelled but presumably, I wouldn't be called "schizoid paranoid" but instead something else like "Mad-Dog". So, the Guy thinks, because I acted responsibly, even if he or the Admin don't happen to agree with my complaint or even if they don't happen to agree that I have grounds for complaint, then that makes me a "Schizoid Paranoid". [sighs].
You know, I'm shocked at how this guy had turned around to bite me. He was nice to me previously. Just a few days previously, he thanked me for my contributions to the forum. Only 2 weeks previously, he described me as a "stout yeoman" who had his head firmly screwed on even if he knew jack-shit about China. And from there, it was all the way downhill to bleedin' "Schizoid Paranoid" and only that because The Guy was in a good mood. What a Fall!!
So, you see, folks, how confused I am!! What happened!! Why my sudden so sudden precipitous fall from grace?
Actually, there were warning signs and I can see that now in hindsight. So, I can't say that I am completely surprised by what happened. I'm wholly shocked yes but not completely surprised. You see, I think it was June 28th, he e-mailed me and told me, first of all, that my contributions were welcome and would be useful for other users of his forum and then he went on to write about *anonymous sources* who were unhappy that I was blowing them off. He also suggested I needed to say "thank you" more. At the time, I was exasperated by this. I honestly thought I was bleedin' saying "thank you" until Kingdom Come. And I was!. The Guy apparently felt I still wasn't sayin' "Thank you" enough for his liking. But, with the wisdom of hindsight, the real participation killer on his forum was the fact that he was keeping his sources anonymous from me. Now, with the wisdom of hindsight, I should have realized there and then that THIS was the time to bail out from his forum for good and all.
Okay, at this stage, I could have written back and wrote something like "Thanks for your feedback, [his name edited out]. " Maybe, even throw in a completely sycophantic line like "I'll endeavour to do what you say in future". But, that's not me!! I don't lick ass!! For anyone!!. The real killer as I've written was the fact that he wouldn't reveal who was telling him that I was blowing them off (I think he meant here that I was ignoring their responses). In that case, why should I trust him since he plainly doesn't trust me? I could have written back to ask him, "What's to stop me from thinking that you're just pulling that one out of your arse,[his name edited out]?". I don't think I did that either.
[sighs]. At the time, I was just pissed that I mistakenly thought that my replies to him were being BCCed, without my knowledge, to his unnamed mates by virtue of the fact that I was just a member with limited privileges on his forum.. They weren't. I thought they were at the time. My Bad, but really there was something else in that e-mail he sent me on June 28th which should have sent me sufficient alarm bells that is that he was keeping the source(s) of the complaints anonymous. This was an expression of a lack of trust in me.
Bleeding unbelievable!! The admin guy got back to me at one stage to write, "Get over yourself" when I complained about a particular post sent by a particular poster on the public forum. Un fuckin' believable!!
Anyway, what I'm sayin' is that after June 28th, I was put on notice to behave myself, according to what the Guy prescribed as acceptable behaviour for me. [sighs]. In hindsight, yeah, I should have just stopped posting to his forum but I didn't. I continued to post to his forum and I think I posted responsibly. I posted, out of a sense of public service, regarding, for example, a job contract negotiation I was conducting with a particular university in Beijing. It was then during that thread, that a particular poster posted 2 posts which I regarded as very unfriendly, one of them inflammatory in my opinion. On the basis of that, I complained to The Guy and the Admin. And the Admin guy replied to tell me to get over myself!! Oh dear, I made a mistake to complain about this guy/the Poster?!! He wrote some stupid things. I thought I'd point these out to the Admin and the Guy. Unbelievable!!
Anyway, as written, I've now been barred as a result of my private messages to the Admin and the Guy and also because of the posts I made to the public forum. In my final posts, I reproduced the whole series of e-mails I exchanged with the FAO of the university I was thinking of taking a job at. They were quite lengthy altogether and I didn't think the Guy would mind. I felt, in terms of illumination of the job application process in Chinese universities, I thought it would be useful for other members of the forum to read. Anyway, as written, last I checked, I still had 155 posts but possibly my most recent posts in the Job contract section (which I can't view now because I'm no longer a member since I'm now barred) have been gutted out, content deleted or editted out in some way. [sighs]. Again, I have no idea why.
Oh, yeah, that reminds me of another thing the Guy wrote in his final e-mail. He wrote that he had his reasons for expelling me and barring me from his forum but he had decided not to tell me what they were. Ah, ........... I'm tempted to write something there. And, of course, he also wrote that I was wasting my time replying. So much for a right of reply. I guess he was anxious to burn down the bridge so that, should he have a change of heart about me later on, there would be nothing he can do as he's already burnt down the bridge to reconciliation or even just an apology. Yeah, kinda unnecessary actually to send me a bleedin' email, he could have just barred me anyway and typed out his little "greeting message"(as reproduced above) should I try to log in again but, I guess, he wanted to fire something off to let me know his feelings about me. (^^^^)
Yeah, a little childish, yeah, I think he is. I guess he wants a certain degree of control on his forum. He calculated that I was too much of a loose cannon so he cut me loose. To be sure, I've not even been in China for 3 years yet (I first arrived in China on July 21st 2006, I think) , so I guess my knowledge of all things Chinese isn't as keen as others. Ah, Paul, just dust yourself off and get up and continue. Take it in your stride. They found you not good enough!! Ah well, Paul, don't let that get to you!! They're snobs, they don't know what they're missin'. Ah, just a few days before finally being barred, I read about this young 26 year old lady in the introduction section. She has been in China for 6 years, speaks fluent Chinese and her husband speaks no English. I guess she's fine. She's the sort of member that The Guy wants!!. Oh, I forgot to mention that in this forum there are different grades of membership. Similar to other forums like Shanghaiexpat and others I suppose. You have membership status and above that there is a membership plus status too. Not telling you what it's called as I'm then giving away too easily the identity of this forum. I'll just say that this 26 year old Western lady (US?) probably will be promoted to the membership plus option very quickly! Indeed, she already got her first star very quickly as far as I can tell. Ah, Paul, don't let this get to you. They're superior! But, you can improve!!
And, the Guy!! A prick!! A pillock!! A...... Ah, what's the point... Let it go, you hear!!. What else to write about it? Oh, this word, &&&&&&&, I mentioned before, my new status. I've discovered I'm not the only one. There's a lady who is also a &&&&&&& so presumably is also barred. Yeah, The Guy told/wrote me, when we were still on speaking/writing terms, that he didn't like her!! I checked her post count. Like 3200 posts!! or is it 2300 posts. Anyway, a lot!! Okay, so it took The Guy 3200 posts from this girl on his forum to finally figure out that he didn't like her!! Me, it only took the Guy 155 posts. I should count myself lucky!!
I suppose I should say in the Guy's defense, he has a forum. I think he set it up about 2 and a half years ago. Possibly, at the beginning, it was a lot busier and because it was busier there were a lot of flame wars and angry exchanges that detracted from the purpose of the forum which was to illuminate and inform on all matters to do with China. So, the Guy probably has been clamping down assiduously on that sort of behaviour since or even the threat or hint of that sort of behaviour since. And, me, I was just next in line for the chop. For others, it may not have been "schizoid paranoid" but perhaps another choice insult like "mad dog" or something else. He wants a bit of control in the discussion in order to ensure good quality posting but can't one go over the top with this?
I also take note that, as far as I recall, he's the only bleedin' guy there actively posting there who uses both his first and his last name. As if he, Master and Commander, is supposed to have that privilege and no other. And, here's another reason why I may have stepped on his toes. I too was posting under my own first name and final name. I've been thinking this is another possible reason I was barred, because I was behaving too much like The Guy. In other words, as you can see in the Contract section, I wasn't taking any sh*t from an Employer I was dealing with at the time. The Guy enjoys writing the same sort of stuff himself about Employers in general in China. So, I was just behaving like The Guy. The Guy doesn't like that. He doesn't like a Mirror Image, apparently. There is only One Guy. Well, it's His Forum. He can do what he likes.
So, going back to that e-mail of June 28th, yeah, I could have been sycophantic, I could have said, "Oh, sorry, mate, I'll do as you suggest in the future", then he would realize that I'm just another shrinking violet he can bully and boss around and I could stay and even be promoted to the membership plus status but I decided after receipt of that e-mail that, no way jose, I wasn't going to stand for that!! Au Contraire, I was going to behave just like The Guy. And, for The Guy, that was one big big problem. After that, it was just a question of when not if I was going to be barred. And, remember, he kept his sources "anonymous" in his e-mail of June 28th. What's to stop me thinking naturally that he pulled his anonymous sources out of his arse? HeHe. [sighs]. Yeah, I wrote quite truthfully at the time that what he wrote was shocking. I initially misplaced my outrage on the point that I mistakenly thought he had caused me to unwittingly BCC my messages on the internal forum board system back not only to him but to his mates as well because I only had membership status. In fact, the disappointment and outrage should have stemmed from the fact that he kept his sources anonymous. Yawn!!
(^) It was a hard-hitting complaint, sure!! It was cruel perhaps!! That's why it was bleedin' private!! I behaved responsibly!
(^^) Talk about a guy burning down his bridges!!
(^^^) Incidentally, the Poster is well-established on the forum with over 4000 posts now. I, by contrast, was just a newbie, more or less. Just to be clear, the Poster is a different guy to either the Admin or the Guy. 3 separate people.
(^^^^) I have to conclude that the Guy was flipping angry with me!! Again why?!! My messages were PRIVATE!! I just cross-posted to the Admin. I thought he'd be cool with that. I thought that he would have brought the Admin guy into his confidence.
.(^^)
I tried to be sincere on that forum when I was there. Maybe, I tried too bleedin' hard. (^^^)
